David mallet bachelor pad living

Remember that Monday night last summer where you consumed three-quarters of a bottle of chardonnay and fell asleep on your living room couch watching a Season 2 episode of Bachelor Pad?

Well, the absurdist nightmare you droolingly woke from during your local news — you know, the one with Erica Rose’s tiara, Michael Stagliano’s tears, the twins from The Shining, and a person whose actual name is Kalon — is about to come true.

Yes, ABC has announced a premiere date (July 23, 8/7c) and a cast for Season 3 of Bachelor Pad, once again hosted by Chris Harrison, and the press release is so full of ridiculousness that I urge you to immediately set your DVR or call your  therapist — whichever you feel is more convenient/prudent.

Indeed, 15 former players from The Bachelor/The Bachelorette franchise — along with five “sup